A Letter to Lou.
My Lucas James Maxwell, I cannot believe you are four years old. You've taught me so much. In these past 1,462 days since you were born, I have learned more than I ever have. I've never been so scared, (i.e. when you chopped your toe off, had your first asthma attack or locked me out of the house and I had to call the police to let me back in) never been so in awe ( i.e. of how fast you grow and how much you have learned), never been so tired (i.e. the 3:30 AM crawls into mom and dad's bed and you TAKE OVER THE ENTIRE BED) and never been more proud (the first crawls, to the first steps, to potty training **every mom potty training a boy says "hallelujah"** to counting, to getting dressed by yourself, and this weeks first- making your own sandwich... all. by. yourself.) Every single day, you are growing, learning and changing. Every day I grieve your baby stages and anxiously await to see what your future holds. Today is the youngest you will ever be. As your mom, I choose to treasure these days.
This week, you asked me if you could make your own sandwich. This was a turning point for me. As you are growing, I see you shift away from needing me always, to needing me when you need me. You got out the bread, the peanut butter, the knife (Jesus help us) and the jelly (Jesus help us. Jelly or knives, which is scariest?) . You carefully started with the peanut butter, globing it onto the knife and smiled as you spread it from one side of the bread to the other. I watched as you moved on to the jelly. You giggled as the jelly landed on the counter, instead of the bread. You picked up the jelly from the counter and put it on your sandwich and proudly ate the entire thing. You are growing, learning and becoming more independent with each day. These days, I choose to treasure. I choose to treasure the sticky counters from your spilled jelly.
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11
You want to be Iron Man when you grow up. You want to save the day. As your mama, I don't know what you are going to be when you grow up. I don't know what your future holds, or where God will take you. Lou, I am so thankful that I can trust in Jesus, and that He knows exactly what He wants for you. He knows your future. He will keep you from harm. He will protect you under the shadow of His wings. He has all of your days recorded in His book. He knows the number of hairs on your sweet little head. God loves you. He loves you more than I do! ...and thats A LOT!
Tonight as I watch you sleep, I am at peace, knowing you are God's child. I will fight for you Lucas, defend you and snuggle you. I will annoy you and frustrate you. I will always pray with you and for you. I will be your biggest and probably most embarrassing cheerleader. You made me a mama. You are my boy.
Go save the day, sweet boy. I love you bigger, and bigger and bigger.
Love,
Mommy
